I’m sure you’re probably sick of hearing it by now, but I want to start by sharing some more college news. Yesterday, I found out that I had been accepted into the honors program at the University of Michigan. When I first applied to honors, I had no intention of actually joining the program. I only applied to appease my mom, and because I felt like it was something I had to do. I told myself (and everyone else for that matter ) that even if I was accepted, I wouldn’t join the honors program.

Well, yesterday after being accepted, I started to reconsider what I had said before. Maybe it would be good to be in the honors program! I guess I didn’t really think I would be accepted, so it was easy to say I just didn’t want to do it. After talking to my parents yesterday, I decided to accept my invitation to join the honors program. I’m going to be an honors student at the University of Michigan! So excited. *dance*

One reason I’m really excited about college is that I will get to live away from home for the majority of each school year, save holidays. Even then, I don’t have to come home if I don’t want.

I’m really excited to get out of this stressful environment. My family has been going through a lot of tough things this past year or more, and it seems like everyone is always so stressed. When my mom is stressed, she snaps at my brother and me, and when I get snapped at, I retaliate. It doesn’t lead to a very pleasant situation.

The tip of the iceberg is my parents’ divorce. Yes, that’s the tip. There are deeply-rooted issues that I won’t discuss.

Anyway, my parents’ divorce. The tip. There’s a song that I really love by the band REO Speedwagon called Time For Me to Fly. I decided to learn it on guitar. Unfortunately, that is also the song that my dad feels exemplifies his current situation with my mom. It doesn’t, but that’s besides the point. Kind of ruins the song for me, but I do still love it.

I love to practice the song on guitar, especially since I’m only just learning to play, and this is the first song I have tried to learn properly. There was one over the summer, but I rushed through it and didn’t put in enough effort for it to sound good, or even remotely correct for that matter.

When I play the song, I like to sing it too, of course. This morning when I picked up the guitar to practice, my dad was asleep in the basement, so I sang at the top of my lungs. He wouldn’t hear me. Well, when I stopped after playing the song through once, I heard my dad in the shower. Once I realized he was awake, I couldn’t sing loudly at all. I do get a little embarrassed when I realize someone in my family can hear me sing (I have no problem with others hearing me, oddly enough), but this was different. I was physically unable to sing out when I thought there was even the slightest chance my dad would hear me singing the song. I figured he wouldn’t recognize it without the lyrics, so I didn’t mind playing it, but singing was a problem.

It was like my lungs or throat or something physically constricted and would not allow me to sing how I wanted. I was petrified of my dad hearing me sing the song. How stupid. How effing irrational. Can you even understand where I’m coming from here?

When my dad finally got out of the shower, I went and took a shower of my own in my bathroom to avoid talking to him. I was afraid he would make a comment about my playing, and then I would just connect it to the song and get even more irrationally freaked.

Well, he did end up talking to me about something I needed to mail before leaving the house, but at least he didn’t make a comment about my playing. Wow, I’m messed up.